I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
