it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
