My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
