There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
