I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
