There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
