maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
