So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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