i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize