remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
