Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
