I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
