Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
