we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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