so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
