I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
