I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
