I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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