youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
