remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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