How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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