I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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