I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
