there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I forgot wine drunk hurts
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
