3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize