you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
