and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
