Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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