and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize