Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
