Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
