Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i would punch a child for taco bell
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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