He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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