hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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