i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
