does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
