Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
