the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
