I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize