I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
