I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think i have two assholes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
