I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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