i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My bed smells like the plague
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