I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
