it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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