So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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