all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
