Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
