I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
