watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
