Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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