Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
