and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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