My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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