i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
