You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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