Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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