Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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