I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
