pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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