Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
